1940 - 2014
I had terminal cancer in 1975 and was told that I had just one or two months to live. The tumor was in my spinal cord – in the neck – and as it grew it was pressing the spinal cord against the inside of the spinal canal. My right arm had become paralyzed, and my legs were spastic. An operation to remove the tumor had been unsuccessful, and I was told that for various reasons chemotherapy and radiation therapy would not work. Doctors warned me the end might come very suddenly, any moment, if I coughed or sneezed.
I was faced with a reality in which each day was possibly my last day, each hour my last hour. One thing I knew for sure – for whatever time I had remaining, I wanted to be happy, just being myself.
For that reason, unappealing special diets made no sense to me, despite the claims they may help. Each meal was possibly my last meal and I wanted to eat what I really enjoyed. I had to be true to myself, to be real in all that I did.
My values shifted. I lived in the present moment and everything I did was for its own sake, because I really wanted to do it. Some things that had seemed important before suddenly weren’t any more. The only important thing was being happy and to me that meant doing whatever I felt happy doing, and not doing anything that made me unhappy.Two months later, I was still alive; I had run out of time, but I was still alive! One month later I was on overtime, and still alive. I wondered how long it could go on. New Year was five months away and I decided that if by some miracle I was still here, I would celebrate with a vacation in a tropical paradise. What I didn’t know then was how that vacation would save my life.
Five months later, I was celebrating the New Year in Martinique, having a mind-expanding talk with a man who was there to teach Zen meditation. He said to me: “Cancer begins in your mind, and that’s where you can go to get rid of it”. It was like someone had switched a light bulb on – it was so clear. I knew what he meant and could see how the cancer was a metaphor for things held in and not expressed. I saw how my former lifestyle and way of being had led to me killing myself in many ways. I realized there and then that if I changed my way of being, I could somehow release the symptoms. I could use my mind as a tool to accomplish the changes in my way of being, and in my body. For the first time since I had been given the diagnosis, I was able to consider a possibility of turning around my condition and getting rid of the cancer. I could save my life!
Several weeks later, I listened to a talk about Silva Mind Control, which teaches people how to use their mind as a tool. The idea presented was that our perceptions create our reality, and since we choose our perceptions, we can choose to change any aspect of our reality. My consciousness had been the effect of programming; in the same way that a computer produces results based on how it has been programmed. I could reprogram my consciousness.
My perception had been that I was terminally ill, so I had to reprogram my consciousness to create the perception that I was well. I was not prepared for such an abrupt shift. For some considerable time I had perceived myself as being in a state of deterioration, getting closer and closer to dying. I realized that I could much more easily create the perception that I was getting better and better, until I was eventually well. I knew the turnaround could happen in any moment. It was a matter of turning a switch in my mind, and insisting on knowing it had been turned.
The shift in my consciousness was immediate, I felt it, and I knew then that I was in a state of improvement. I also knew the importance of maintaining the integrity of my decision. From that moment on I knew that my perceptions had to reinforce the idea I was now getting better and better, so I would eventually be well. As I ate whatever food I wanted, I told myself it was exactly what my body needed and was asking for in order to accelerate the healing process. Physical sensations similar to electric shocks in my body had previously reinforced the idea that the tumor was growing. They still came, but now I chose to perceive them as evidence that the tumor was shrinking. My mind looked for more and more ways of knowing the improvement was happening.
I knew I had to stay away from people who insisted on seeing me as still terminally ill, not from any lack of love, but rather to maintain my own positive attitude toward the healing process. I had to be with people who were willing to encourage me on this seemingly impossible task I had set for myself. Whenever someone asked how I was doing, I insisted on answering, “Better and Better, thank you.”
I researched mental programming techniques, and learnt that if I put myself into a relaxed state and talked positively to myself for 15 minutes, three times a day, then within 66 days I could get myself to believe anything. And whatever I believed to be true would be true.
I knew that it was vital to maintain the positive programming, and that putting myself in a relaxed state of mind and talking positively to myself for 15 minutes, three times each day, was a part of the programming process I should in no way interfere with. There were temptations to not do the relaxations, and then I would remind myself that my life was at stake. Any such temptation, then, was something that stood between me and my life, and had to be removed, so that I could live.
This may all sound very simple, but it was not always easy. At times – especially early on – it was very difficult. Sometimes my thoughts or words acknowledged something other than the idea that I was improving. On such occasions I had to be honest with myself and see that I had ‘blown it’. I would start again, telling myself I had been on a practice run, and the real moment of change was now.
It did get easier. I was able to maintain positivity for just hours at first, then a day, then two days, and then I was solid. The program was working.
My doubting voice would occasionally make itself known, but I knew it did not represent truth. The encouraging voice within became my guide, leading me back to stable health, enabling me to maintain the single-mindedness of knowing positive changes were happening. When I was not feeling a symptom, I told myself that perhaps I would never feel that symptom again. If I did then experience the symptom again I would tell myself the process was not quite complete, but to acknowledge I was feeling the symptom less often and less severely than before. All was going well. I had to know positive changes were happening now even if they were not always evident. I would tell myself they were possibly just at the threshold of my perception, so I could eagerly anticipate evidence to justify this. I was always able to find something positive, and assure myself it wasn’t all imagination. There was much encouragement from my daughters, Jacki and Heather. Heather was only four years old at the time and she knew that love heals, so she frequently gave me magic healing kisses – every morning and every night. I could also sense six-year-old Jacki’s belief in me, and in my ability to somehow come through this crisis. No other possibility was acceptable to her. In her eyes, I could always see her connection with me.
During my relaxation periods, I would visualize the tumor and imagine a layer of cancer cells dying and being released by my body’s natural elimination system. I knew the change was happening, even if it was not obvious and noticeable. Each time I released waste products from my body I knew dead cancer cells were being eliminated. I insisted on knowing this was true.
I knew the cancer represented something held in and not expressed. With the tumor located right by my throat chakra (energy center) I also knew this meant I had been holding back the expression of my Being. Since I wasn’t exactly certain what this meant I decided it was imperative to express everything: every thought and every feeling. Whatever was in my consciousness and wanting to come out, I expressed it, knowing it was vital for my health. Before then I had held the perception that expressing led to discord, but now I saw how what I was expressing and communicating what I was expressing was appreciated by those around me and resulted in harmony. Another change in perception!
Before, I had had the belief that if I expressed what I really wanted to, something bad would happen. I had to reprogram that to the belief that if I expressed what I really wanted to, something wonderful would happen. I made that decision, and it was so. I found myself having less and less in common with my old friends. It was as though we had shared a common vibrational frequency before, say 547 cycles (whatever that means), and suddenly I found myself at 872 cycles, with few things to communicate to the 547-cycle people. I had to find new friends who were also at 872 so I could have someone to talk with.
I found myself attracted to the 872 crowd, and them to me, as though I had become selectively magnetic. Certain elements of my reality were being released which were no longer in accord with the new Being I was becoming. Deep within I knew the process was inevitable and should not be interfered with. I developed a sense of compassion and understanding and knew my life depended on releasing all elements not in accord with my new vibration. The process was simple, though not always easy.
I began each day as a process of self-discovery, with no preconceived notion of who I was, but with a willingness to discover the emerging me. There was a sense of delight with each new discovery.
Often I would imagine the scene in the doctor’s office after my work on myself was done. I would see him examining me and looking puzzled because he could find no tumor. I imagined him looking baffled and saying, “Perhaps we made a mistake.” I played this scene in my mind each day, during my relaxation periods.
About two months later I went to be examined by the very same doctor who had pronounced me terminally ill. He examined me and he found nothing. And guess what he said? “Perhaps we made a mistake.” I laughed all the way home.
An unexpected but wonderful side benefit of my healing process was that I no longer needed the eyeglasses I had worn for twenty years. I used to be nearsighted and astigmatic, but my vision changed and my eyesight was tested as ‘normal’. I have transformed my way of being. My lifestyle has changed dramatically. The work I do now as a healer and teacher is meaningful to me, important to others, and of service to humanity. I feel a ‘high’ when I heal and teach and I know that I am doing my life’s work.
The process of transformation is an integral part of the healing process, whether you’re healing your vision, releasing some serious illness, or if the imbalance exists on the mental or emotional level and has not yet reached the physical level. After my healing I was seeing the world quite differently, in a figurative and a literal sense. My outer vision had been transformed along with my inner vision. Curious about this ‘side benefit’ of my healing process I decided to research into what others were doing in the field of vision improvement.
I read all the books I could find on the subject, not because I needed to find out ‘how to do it’, but rather to discover ‘how I had done it’. I found eight books, and seven of them referred back to the eighth, which was Better Eyesight Without Glasses, by Dr. William Bates. He was a pioneer in the field, and his ideas had startled the conventional medical community back in the 1920’s.
Dr. Bates presented many remarkable ideas, but the style of his book was way too technical for many people, so others – like Margaret Darst Corbett and Aldous Huxley – wrote additional books, simplifying his ideas for the general public.
Dr. Charles Kelley of the Radix Institute in California was the first one who seemed to add new ideas, regarding the correlation of particular personality types to particular types of impaired vision. More recently, Dr. Richard Kavner, a behavioral optometrist, added some new information regarding brain/mind correlations and he achieved remarkable success through his work with children.
The constant factor in all these areas of vision improvement was the process of personal transformation – just as in my own personal experience. With the insight I gained by reading the works of those mentioned, I was able to build on their ideas, using my personal experience for additional insights.
I began talking to people about these ideas and helping them to explore the links between their own vision issues and their way of being. After a while, those I spoke to were giving me their eyeglasses, saying they no longer needed them. ….I began teaching others the self-healing tools I had used sharing the insights I had gained during my own process.
Some of those who came to me asked me to heal them. I was reluctant at first, feeling that each of us has the power and the ability to heal ourselves. Some people, however, had a difficult time, accepting that, or didn’t know how to generate for themselves the degree of clarity and objectivity necessary for the process. They believe more in my ability to heal them than in their ability to heal themselves. No matter how much I insisted that they could do it themselves, they held the perception that I should be the one to do it for them. If I refused, they left without being healed, and I didn’t feel good with that.
I thought if I were writing the script of this scenario, I could have done a better job, seeing an ending in which they were healed when they left, so I agreed to participate in the role of the healer in their process.
As I worked with more and more people, I could see more and more the relationship between what was happening in their bodies and what was happening in their consciousness. Gradually, a model developed which seemed to contain all the ideas I had explored, and which also reflected my experience, as well as what I had seen in the healings in which I had participated. The model developed in a system of healing that I decided to call the Body Mirror System, to represent the idea that one’s body is a mirror of one’s life.
Martin's departure is a story in several parts, different pieces of a puzzle.It is only after all the pieces have been put together that everything makes sense.
Martin left after bladder cancer. According to our philosophy and teaching, it all begins in consciousness and cancer represents something suppressed, something unspoken, something kept inside. The bladder is connected to the Root Chakra where tensions are experienced as fear, insecurity. Tensions in consciousness about money, work, home.
With cancer, the person has made the decision to die. Either she is very unhappy because of a situation or the time has come to leave, she has accomplished everything she had come to do.Both are true for Martin.
The Puzzle Pieces
The Physical Level
Martin and I have always been very good at finding the perfect apartment, together and separately, before we met. We have always lived in our dream places.
Our last apartment in Copenhagen is where our son, Edward, was born. We were very happy there for 10 years, not the eleventh year. We searched for another place for a year, without success. Everything was pushing us to leave Denmark, and all the messages pointed to Monaco as a new destination, and the messages were very clear. We had the feeling that we were "sent" to Monaco. I thought then that it was to bring us closer to my parents who are getting older and who were delighted with the get closer.
Also, what a surprise when Monaco refused to grant us the right of residence and gave us 30 days to leave. You can imagine the shock. We had left everything, embarked Edouard on this adventure, he had been accepted at the Public College of Monaco because we had provided the receipt for the residence application. It was a huge first shock for Martin, and for me too. However, based on our days experience, we knew that it had to be for a good reason. We were able to stay in Monaco without being an official resident thanks to various supports, it was easy, simple. However, the feeling of rejection and not having roots was more difficult for Martin than for me.
Martin suffered from this feeling of rejection, especially since there were others, lesser but difficult for him to live with.
We thought about leaving Monaco, but where to? Martin was reluctant to uproot Edouard a second time in such a short time and nothing better was in sight. Everything seemed to indicate that we were supposed to be in Monaco.
When Martin started to get sick, we thought again about leaving Monaco but it was very complicated and more stressful than staying.
Of course, we looked at our relationship. We looked at all aspects of healing, what Martin called "radical family change" where all family members look at where the stress that the sick person is responding to comes from and what anyone can do to release the source of stress. Everyone is actively involved in healing. Of course, all this is done in love, in infinite love for the sick person, in the desire to do everything to help him/her heal.
Martin has often told his story with U.S. taxes, when he no longer received a tax return 40 years ago, did not seek to receive one and so left the system.
For a few years he had wanted to come back into the system and when the USA created the rehabilitation program, Martin decided to take the opportunity. This cost him almost all of the savings he had made for his retirement. He wrote the check to the US tax authorities in January 2014 with great reluctance... He wanted to ease off, rest, how would he support his family?
Martin grew up in sordid conditions and his root chakra has always been his weak point. He was his mother's support rather than the other way around. He knew she loved him, he loved her, they had a fusional relationship but she was fragile and certainly not perceived as a source of nourishment.
Martin did not imagine being fed by a woman. It was a difficult idea for him.
In the summer of 2013, Martin was discouraged, the few courses taught in Italy and Greece had disappointed him. He said that people did not understand him, they did not understand his message. He had less fun teaching, he was tired.
I have not seen Martin crying much in 25 years. The first time was in a seminar at the time of the massacre of Rwanda, he was in tears. He said, "How can a human being treat another human being in this way? "
The second, in 2013 during the "Hero of the Year" program that CNN organizes each year. Dozens of people are presented and the good deeds they do are described and one of them is elected. He said, "I'm a good person, are not I? "I'm doing good on the planet, are not I? "
He really felt rejected and misunderstood for the last three years. He had become very sensitive with that.
Before he left, I told Martin that I had asked all his participants to send him a testimony of love or gratitude, that I would print these messages and that he would leave with them. All these messages would be mingled with his ashes.
I collected the hundreds of messages he received, there were almost 200 pages. They are with him.
You will find them in this section.
Martin's last words were "I'm proud of myself"
We are proud of him.
The Spiritual Level
Our beginnings of life together:
Our first week together, one evening, Martin told me: "I always had a dream when I would meet my soul mate, when it will be time for me to leave the planet, say in 20 years, we will open a bottle of champagne, we will drink to our love and then I will fall asleep and leave. »
20 years seemed like an eternity to us! I was 33 years old, he was 55. Three years later, I pointed out to him that 20 years was a short time and that we should extend the contract to 30 years. We laughed. When Martin left, we had 19 years of life together and almost 20 years of relationship ( She started in March 1995)
... we drank the champagne and clinked to our love a few days before his departure.
After he left :
A friend came to do a workshop with me in November 2014, 3 months after Martin's departure.
It had been 20 years since she had completed a workshop. She told me about this conversation she had with Martin 25 years ago during which he told her that he would not be celebrating his 74th birthday.
He left 3 months before his 74 years.
The last puzzle piece came from a very unexpected person, my godmother who is also my aunt. We have never spoken deeply of each other despite the love we have for each other.
At the beginning of 2015, she told me this:
"You came to Monaco to get closer to your parents but it's not for them, it's for you. Martin knew he would leave and he brought you closer to your parents, you and Edward so it would be easier when the time would come. "
All the pieces of the puzzle have gathered. Everything made sense. I saw the whole orchestration.
Martin knew he would leave before his 74 years, somewhere he knew the rest.
It was also, by chance, an ideal moment for many practical reasons.
He also did everything to make his departure as easy as possible for us. Perhaps Martin thought it would have been more difficult for Edouard, at the age of 13, to hear his father say, "Tonight I decided to leave. Let's drink to our love. And depart this world. I do not know.
We had time to say goodbye, to say words of love to each other. Martin said to Edward: "Live all your dreams, my son. "Edouard was incredibly present and centered, open as if he had all the wisdom of the world in him.
Martin left quietly.
One evening, I told him that Edouard and I were ready.
He left the next morning at 6:00 am during a beautiful full moon.
I saw him with his mommy. He had a very long red carpet in front of him, a bright arch and on each side hundreds of people applauding him, among them participants in the courses I knew and who had left before him.
He turned around to see how Edouard was doing, he saw that I was holding him in my arms, he smiled, I told him, "Go ahead, enjoy the party. And he let himself be welcomed with open arms.
He came back to see Edouard the next day, in his dream. They spent a whole day, just together, just together, simply, doing nothing special, feeling the contact, the love.
Martin is often here.
For Valentine's Day 2015, I was sad, I told myself that I would not have my card this year. I decided to clean the house because I did not have the head to work.
I decided to unpack a cardboard box filled with junk, old poems written as a teenager, old drawings, and in the midst of all this mess, I found a Valentine's Day card, no date, that Martin had written to me in some unknown year, and I had kept it. She said, "My love, I love you forever"
He works differently now, in other ways. Since we were in Monaco, two of our astrologer friends had told him while looking at his astral chart that his work was going to change, that he was going to have other proportions ...
Martin was an exceptional husband and father.
He remains my best friend.